Patrick Bass Show

Open Mic Mavericks #1: First-World Problems and Comedic Adventures

August 17, 2024 • Patrick Bass and Tom Russell

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Ever struggled with tangled wireless earbuds or found yourself caught in the dilemma of having too many good shows to watch? Join us for the world premiere of Open Mic Mavericks, where we kick things off with laughs and relatable rants! Hosts Patrick Bass and Tom Russell dive into some of the most hilarious first-world problems submitted by our listeners, from streaming service overloads to the frustration of partners watching ahead on shared favorite shows. We offer advice that ranges from the confrontational to the laissez-faire, all while keeping the mood light and entertaining.

Ever thought about using Craigslist to flood someone's yard with Christmas trees as revenge? We didn't either—until now! In our "Boss Facebook Etiquette and Roommate Revenge" segment, we explore cheeky revenge tactics, autocorrect mishaps, and the ethics of swiping right just to mess with an ex's new partner. We also take a nostalgic trip down memory lane, paying tribute to comedy legends like Mitch Hedberg and Dave Attell, and sharing personal anecdotes about the ups and downs of a stand-up comedy career.

Switching gears, we compare our tech and car preferences, discussing everything from the reliability of Toyota to the user-friendly design of Apple products. Ever stumbled upon something you wish you hadn't while fixing a higher-up's computer? Our moral dilemma segment tackles just that, with a real story about discovering compromising videos and choosing the ethical high ground. Finally, join us as we reminisce about wild adventures in the early 2000s, from pirate software hunts to fake Rolex buys, wrapping up with positive reflections on our fantastic chemistry and the great vibes throughout the episode. Don't miss out on this engaging and humorous premiere!

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Speaker 1:

Hey man, what's up? Hey dude, how's it going? Man, I'm all bummed out because you know life sucks. Oh, you got some problems. Yeah man, no man, I got problems. Nah, my internet's not working. Dude, dang, dude, you do got some problems.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to Open Mic Mavericks, the show where no topic is too trivial, no opinion too bold and no problem to first world. Now here's the host of Open Mic Mavericks. It's Patrick Bass and Tom Russell. Hey, hey, hey, everybody, it's the world premiere of Open Mic Mavericks. Tom, can you believe it? All this time, all this time and, by the way, my name's Patrick Bass and I got my patriarch over here Tom say hello, hey, I'm Tom Russell, I'm just.

Speaker 3:

I'm here for the excited for the first new show.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, we've been planning this for, I don't know, maybe, maybe a total of 20 minutes, I don't know. No, but the whole concept of this program is, you know, many of you know I've got another show that we do Patrick Bass show, and this very serious interview type show where we're trying to uncover the mysteries of the world, and we just needed something where we could be ourselves and be a little crazy. And Tom was one of the first guests I had on the Patrick Bass show and, believe it or not, tom did you know that is our most listened to episode ever.

Speaker 3:

That's wild. That still blows my mind.

Speaker 2:

And I can't believe it, and so I'm like you know. We're sitting here trying to find a format that works and that show's doing pretty good. I don't know, Tom, if you knew this, but Patrick Bashow is right now in the top 15% of all podcasts worldwide. Oh, wow, Okay.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I knew you were doing, doing well.

Speaker 2:

I didn't know it was going that well well, I, I've, I've, I've almost made enough to buy a coffee. That and 25 cents will get you a cup of coffee yeah, but you know, I needed something where we could just let our hair down and be ourselves, man, man. So I hope that's what this is.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, I like the concept. I'm excited to give it a try.

Speaker 2:

Well, let's get into it. We've got a little episode or a little segment that I put together and it's called First World Problems, and people have been. Ever since I started advertising this, Tom. People have been writing in, believe it or not, and they want to know how we can help them solve their first world problem. So here's the first one, and they get better. They get better as they go. Dear Patrick and Tom, my streaming service has too many good shows. How do I choose? What do you do?

Speaker 3:

That's I don't think I've ever had that one before.

Speaker 2:

I've got Hulu and Netflix and a couple of. There could be 20 channels of absolute crap all on at the same time. I want to know what streaming service they're on first of all.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I was going to say, say I usually have the opposite problem of uh, I've got the streaming sites and uh, it's all trash hey you remember digging remember when we were kids and we had those little cable boxes and you can tune it to the playboy channel and it was all blurring right, yep and it but, every once in a while every once in a while, the, the planets would align and for like a split second you'd see a booty yep, yep, I was gonna say be like you see the wiggly lines.

Speaker 2:

Be like oh, I think I saw a nip so I don't know what, I don't know what streaming service they're on, but please text us and let us know, because I want to subscribe Okay.

Speaker 3:

No real advice for that, except good luck.

Speaker 2:

Dear Patrick and Tom, my wireless earbuds keep getting tangled in my pocket. What do I do? My wireless earbuds keep getting tangled in my pocket.

Speaker 3:

What do I do, you know? That reminds me of the old. If an electric train is heading south at 60 miles an hour and the wind is blowing north at however many miles an hour, what way is the smoke blowing? And the answer is there is no smoke as an electric train. How do wireless earbuds get tangled up in your pocket?

Speaker 2:

There's no wire. I think this guy is smoking some of the devil's lettuce man I don't know I can't tell if it's it's, uh, yeah, might be.

Speaker 3:

What else is? In your pocket, dude no, I, I uh, when I read that when I was like I you know, I'm not sure, I'm not sure if somebody's trying to troll us or somebody's just really really high.

Speaker 2:

You need to get a little mini butler that you can carry around in your pocket and who can take care of trivial stuff like that for you. Okay, now this one's getting a little more into the heart of the matter. Okay, when you're with somebody, tom and y'all are watching a show together. Does it piss you off when they watch the episodes ahead of you? Yes, okay. So it says Dear Patrick and Tom, my partner has started watching our favorite show without me. Ooh, should I confront them secretly, watch ahead or just pretend that I'm okay with the ultimate betrayal?

Speaker 3:

Ooh, that's a tough one Depends on the partner. If it's me, I'm confronting.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Our favorite show is coming on again. The second season, have you seen? Did you watch the first season of Tulsa King?

Speaker 3:

Yes, yeah, I really liked it.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so they just started. They've started filming the second season. It's coming on in early september I don't know if you saw that but we're waiting for tulsa king season two. Now if if, tracy, you know if something's going on, or I'm at work or you know, whatever I get it, but don't don't go binge watching the entire season. One or two seasons is okay, or one or two shows.

Speaker 3:

I'm a simple man. For me, just ask. Nine times out of ten I'm going to be like yeah, just watch it, I'll catch up. But to do it without even asking, it's just disrespectful.

Speaker 2:

And also to the person who wrote that in. If that's your ultimate betrayal….

Speaker 3:

You're doing okay.

Speaker 2:

You've got some living to do, buddy here's another one, this, and I think you know what. I think this happens a lot. This next one, dear patrick and tom, I accidentally sent a risque text to my family group chat instead of my partner. Do I play it off as a joke or do I fake a tech malfunction? So, and then never let it happen again.

Speaker 1:

Ooh.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, see, for me it depends on the context, like how, how big is, how deep did you go? Did you send, like an eggplant emoji? You could play that off like oh you know, I just we're going to have eggplant Parmesan.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we're not talking about. We're not talking about a wiener pick, aren't we?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, are you talking about some of the most ratchet shit you could think of then? Yeah, oh, my God, I was hacked. It was so weird, somebody cut in on my stuff.

Speaker 2:

Well, you just immediately, ooh mistype.

Speaker 3:

Have you ever?

Speaker 2:

had a really embarrassing auto correct not embarrassing other than the fact that it I'm embarrassed that my phone thinks I'm that stupid. I'll tell you what I hate. I hate when I get something that's like it's auto corrected and then I type it again, trying to type to it correctly, and it auto corrects it again and then like on the third try, I'm like like damn it, I give up. Yeah, just use another word. Yeah, boy, I don't know have you ever had. I'll tell you what. Way back in the day I used to work at IBM a long, long time ago and I mean this was before you know remote work was even a thing and I was on a conference call with a bunch of people in Raleigh. I was at home, had little kids at the time and they were acting up and everything and I thought I was on mute and I screamed shut the hell up.

Speaker 2:

And the meeting got strangely quiet. And I hear you, okay, man? And I was like oh my God.

Speaker 3:

At that point you've got to lean into it. That was embarrassing, just lean into it. Then I was like oh my God, at that point you've got to lean into it. That was embarrassing, just lean into it. Then, like I just couldn't take anymore, I need some time off.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I almost got some. Okay, here's another one. This one I don't know if I can relate to. I'm out of this demographic but, dear Patrick and Tom tom, I saw my ex's new partner on a dating app. Should I swipe right to mess with them or just stay out of it and be the bigger person I don't see, that's that could go either way.

Speaker 3:

I'm 50 50 good for me. Personally, I live my life trying to avoid drama at all costs, but something like that is almost too good to pass up, so I don't know.

Speaker 2:

I saw this revenge site and it was really cool. They had a really cool idea Go on like Craigslist or something and post on there. Starting December 26th, I'm accepting all donations of used Christmas trees for compost, Please leave them in my front yard at this address and put their address. I thought that was creative, but you better bounce that off. A few anonymous anonymizers.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, that's a little sketchy. I don't know how that's going to go.

Speaker 2:

We're not advocating that you break the law, but if you do, send us pictures Anonymously, please, that's gonna go.

Speaker 3:

We're not advocating that you break the law, but if you do, send us pictures anonymously please, yeah, uh, let's see here.

Speaker 2:

Um, dear patrick and tom, my roommate keeps eating food but claims that they thought it was theirs. Should I start spiking my snacks with hot sauce or just move out of the place where, uh, and move to where people respect my personal boundaries? Nah?

Speaker 3:

moving sounds like work. Um, hot sauce sounds like the answer there. At least hot sauce is being nice. I would find like I will find something that's gonna gonna like. Hang them up for a couple of days. Keep them in the bathroom for at least two, three days.

Speaker 2:

Here's the other thing, and this is the dad in me coming out. Maybe they need food, or do they have money for food? I mean, is this, and are they doing it out of necessity, maybe?

Speaker 3:

maybe you can help them out, I don't know and while I understand as a dad myself, uh, the marine of me is like I don't, I don't, fucking care. Yeah, did you have you seen that if they're a roommate, they're a grown-ass adult. They could feed themselves? Yeah, uh, have you seen that If they're a roommate, they're a?

Speaker 2:

grown-ass adult, they can feed themselves. Yeah, have you seen that Facebook picture where this guy puts his lunch in the employee refrigerator and it says I have four shrimp and 5,000 rice?

Speaker 3:

Do not touch Is that? The old Mitch Hedberg Rice is good when you want to eat 1,000 or something.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, man, that guy was. I loved that guy.

Speaker 3:

He was awesome, he was great. Yeah, he was amazing.

Speaker 2:

When he says I went to go buy a donut and they're like, do you need a receipt? I'm like there's no reason to bring ink and paper into this. You give me the donut, I'll give you the dollar.

Speaker 1:

Transaction complete.

Speaker 3:

His delivery was 90, 90 of his act and it was fantastic. You know else who has a great delivery but in a completely different, like end of the spectrum is uh, I think he's still around, but I think he has a terrible drug problem. I could be wrong, david tell oh really, man.

Speaker 2:

I haven't seen that guy in a long time is he is he is he on dope?

Speaker 3:

He used to have that show I think it was on Comedy Central like late night something. He would go around and shadow people who did jobs late at night, like street cleaners or what have you. Yeah, and I think during that he got into drugs pretty bad, just because his schedule was so wonky.

Speaker 2:

In 2010,. I was doing stand-up and I was on the Comedy Central tour for a while.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I was opening for Brian Hainer and Lisa Lampanelli and Andrew Schultz and a few others. Yeah, we toured mostly around Texas and Arizona.

Speaker 3:

I didn't know that. It was a lot of fun.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I was going to do it full-time, but let me tell you that is a lifestyle. That is a lifestyle.

Speaker 3:

I've heard you couldn't do it, man, you know. So it was fun. It was fun. I, I don't. I don't think I'd have the testicular fortitude to stand up on top of a stage like that anyway. But uh, no, even if I did, I don't think I could live that life. That's, that's.

Speaker 2:

That's a young man's gig well, and let me tell you, some of those guys are acting, some of them are not acting.

Speaker 3:

Let me tell you, but uh, no, those guys are acting. Some of them are not acting.

Speaker 2:

Let me just tell you, but Brian Hainer was the one that got me on the tour because I had done a showcase and opened for him and afterwards, you know, he's like, hey, you know you want to come on this thing and I thought it was one of those casting couch things and I was like Brian, I'm not going to.

Speaker 3:

He's like calm down tiger, I'm not saying I won't, $20 is $20, but I have my dignity.

Speaker 2:

Okay, here's the next one. Let's see where did it go Too many windows. Let's see where did it go Too many windows. Let's see here. Dear Patrick and Tom, my boss just sent me a Facebook friend request. Do I accept it and censor my posts, or decline and prepare for the awkward conversation at work?

Speaker 3:

Accept it and then create a whole other Facebook that they don't know about and post nothing on that one?

Speaker 2:

Doesn't Facebook have that thing where you can be a friend with somebody but put them on restriction?

Speaker 3:

Full disclosure I don't have any social media anymore. I haven't for over a year. At this point, I just I don't know, I'm much happier without it.

Speaker 2:

Here's the thing If your boss is also at the point where y'all are friends, I kind of get that, but maybe you should let the other person kind of make that first move. But if this is just a blind, out-of-the-blue friend request, I don't think that's appropriate man.

Speaker 3:

No, I agree, I don't know man. I don't think that's appropriate man. No, no, I agree, I don't know man, I don't know social media etiquette these days. I just I agree with you because back in the day that's how it was, but now I don't know. Is Facebook just like your business card that you hand out to?

Speaker 2:

people? I don't know. I think that's what LinkedIn is for. I mean, if your boss sends you a LinkedIn request, yeah, accept it. Facebook, that's private. In fact, you know, I've recently went through my facebook, uh thing, and I had I don't know hundreds, hundreds of people on there that I'm quote friends with. I don't know who most of these people were, and so I I decided, hey, if, if you're on my friends list, it's got to be one, I have to know you in real life. Like we talk outside of facebook and we have some kind of and if and or we're related or something like that. And if not, you got to go and I cleaned it out. I think I have like 38 people in my friends list right now.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, you know I I got rid of her for several reasons, but one of which is like I found that when I met up with people you know you ever meet it with an old friend you haven't talked to in a while. It's all you catch up and it's always a great time with things like facebook. You don't have that. They're like oh yeah, my, my daughter's going to high school.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I know, I saw it's kind of creepy to talk about yeah, it's like I.

Speaker 3:

I'd much rather have those moments where I'm with the person and I get to know. It's almost like getting to know them all over again, as opposed to following the minutia of their life on a screen. You know, I don't know, it's just call me old fashioned. I, just I. I did it for a while and I didn't like it. I ended up getting rid of it all.

Speaker 2:

So this is really corny on me, and I'll admit it. One I love little kitten pictures. I'm serious, so I'm on there for that. And then, two, my kids and my grandkids are on there. They live in another city. If I want to stay up with them, I better be on Facebook, because they're not going to oh my god, they're not going to send me anything in the mail.

Speaker 3:

The mail. Who uses?

Speaker 2:

the mail. I haven't gotten a Father's Day card. No, the mail. Who uses the mail? I haven't gotten a Father's Day card.

Speaker 3:

No, I'm kidding man. If I get something in the mail that's not junk, it's a day to celebrate.

Speaker 2:

You know what would be terrifying Getting a Father's Day card from somebody you don't know. Dear Dan, you just feel this cold chill run down your spine.

Speaker 3:

You start calling through the list, the mental list? Did I, could it possibly be I was young and stupid. I have no idea what I did.

Speaker 2:

That old Saturday Night Live skit. Sure, I should have used protection. But when's the next time I'm going to be in Thailand?

Speaker 3:

I was going to say if I ever get a Father's Day card from the Philippines, I'm going to be real scared.

Speaker 2:

You my dad? That's probably really Sorry, not sorry.

Speaker 1:

Your mother was amazing.

Speaker 3:

How's mom doing?

Speaker 2:

PS. Who's mom? Yeah, exactlys, who's mom? Yeah exactly who's your mom?

Speaker 3:

I may have only known her stage name, so you're gonna have to give me some deets oh, you mean cinnamon having said that, if you ever get a chance to go to the Philippines, go. It's amazing. Here's the next one, oh my god. Having said that, if you ever get a chance to go to the.

Speaker 2:

Philippines go. It's amazing. Here's the next one. Oh my God, dear Patrick and Tom, now I can relate to this one. I have too many unread emails and the number is giving me anxiety. Should I declare email bankruptcy and delete them?

Speaker 3:

all and start fresh. Yes, I think so. That's exactly what I would do.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, you know what I did. I had the same Gmail account forever and you know it. Just frankly, it brought back a lot of bad memories. I deleted it and got a new one, and then I found out how much shit was tied to it, and I promise you that it is impossible to get an old Gmail account back once you have deleted it. They reserve the name forever. I've tried contacting Google, I've tried everything and it's gone forever, let me tell you. And so I just had to bite the bullet, because you know I'd go everything and it's gone forever, let me tell you. And so I just had to bite the bullet because I'd go buy software and it would be tied to that email and all that other stuff, and I felt really good about deleting it at the time, tom. And then reality, oh boy.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I would advise caution on doing something like that, and that's just because I've made those same mistakes before in my life where you do something like that. But you know, and that's just because I've made those same mistakes before in my life, where you know you do something like that and then so many things are tied to it, keep it around for a bit, just don't look at it, start the new one, yeah, and then as things pop up, you'll be like, oh okay, I'll go back.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's how I am. I've got an old iCloud account back when it was mecom. I don't know if you remember that. No, oh yeah, this was back before iCloudcom, it was mecom, and I've got an old Apple mecom address that I never use, but I've still got it. It's tied to me, probably forever. It's more permanent than like a social security number.

Speaker 3:

All right, something you might not know about me and once I tell you you might find it disgusting I have never purchased or owned an Apple product in my entire life Really. And that was not by accident, wow.

Speaker 2:

I've never known one. You're like a unicorn. We should capture you and analyze you and figure out what it what it takes to replicate you.

Speaker 3:

No, it's like it looks in a lab it's kind of like the saying that I've heard before in regards to a lot of things not everyone who owns an apple product. Oh, which group am I in? No, it's just they weren't for me. You know the ui and all it was just I don't know, it's just I get it. It never clicked with me, so I just never. But they're, I mean, they're good products, I just they're not. My yeah, my jam, I guess they're.

Speaker 2:

They're very consumer friendly, uh and and so this is really geeky. I mean, the world knows that I'm in cybersecurity. From a cybersecurity perspective, I love my MacBook because it's based on a Linux BSD kernel and I can just drop into a command line and I feel very at home and then when I feel like clicking on Windows, they have a lot of pretty Windows. So you know, I could go either way, honestly, but I guess I'm a fanboy. I've got an old Mac SE sitting down here at my feet right now.

Speaker 3:

Now I always kind of I was related to, kind of like the Toyotas. You remember how the Camry was like the longest running, best car and blah, blah, blah. I never owned one, never really liked it myself. But my advice to someone who wants to own a car and doesn't want to know anything about how it works get a Toyota. It'll just work. You don't have to worry about it. You take it for your regular maintenance and it'll just work. You don't have to dig into it, it's just going to be there when you need it.

Speaker 2:

Toyota is great yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, same thing with that. My wife had a 4Runner. Yeah, she had a 4Runner, it just worked things one.

Speaker 2:

they're really freaking expensive, even the very basic ones you get a, a forerunner, with no options, it's expensive.

Speaker 2:

And so we had this thing and, uh, you know, it started. It started getting up there in age and miles and stuff like that and and I was like she wanted to get something different. And so we looked at a subaru and I'd say, well, she got this subaru alpac. I love this thing. I'm worse, we're a subaru family now, period. I. I love this thing. It. We're a Subaru family now, period. I love this thing. It's the most amazing. And it's got a screen in it. I swear to God, it's like 15 inches diagonal. Yeah, it's huge.

Speaker 3:

Is that like the center console?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's really cool, but it gets about as many updates as Windows does. We're updating this thing like twice a week. I'm not kidding.

Speaker 3:

Now as many updates as Windows does. We're updating this thing like twice a week. I'm not kidding. Now, is that a service you've got to pay for?

Speaker 2:

The base service. No, we've got some of the add-ons, you know, under $10 or $15 a month and we've got some of those add-ons. But it's the base OS that they keep updating, and maybe because the car had sat for a couple years and it wasn't being used maybe it's just getting caught up. But, yeah, yeah, that could be it. Um, yeah, no, I'm, I have a 2013 buick verano. That's what I drive. Yeah, I'm driving, I'm gonna drive in a 2014 uh yukon, those are nice gas guzzler yeah, I mean it's.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, as long as you don't mind killing a small rainforest every time you start it up, which I don't.

Speaker 2:

I traded in a hybrid Camry for it.

Speaker 3:

Oh really, yeah, that's well like. I don't know. Like I said, for me Toyota's not my jam, but I get it. People like it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

And it works, it's effective.

Speaker 2:

It was an Avalon, Sorry oh well, still A hybrid Avalon.

Speaker 1:

It was a nice car, I mean, they're good vehicles.

Speaker 2:

It was hard to get in and out. Of. It had this weird overhang on the roof and I don't know. I got neck problems. It was hard to get in and out of, so I sold it and got this thing.

Speaker 3:

Well, you're a big go-kart and I'd probably be okay, you know, did you just call me fat big, as in tall um? Speaking of toyota, though, did you see the? Um? Oh, the new car, the new trucks that they just came out with? They're like little work trucks for like 12 grand. No, yeah, they're insane. I'm sure the united states won't let us sell them, but but they were, I don't know. It's impressive. They've just released these new, updated vehicles, and that's all I have to say about it, because I don't know anything more about it, but the articles that I've seen are like oh, $12,000 for these new Toyotas.

Speaker 2:

Hey, this is going back a little bit, but thinking of small, inexpensive cars. Do you remember the Yugo? I remember the name, the 80s. It was like a four thousand dollar car.

Speaker 2:

It was barely street legal and could do about 45 miles an hour if I remember that name, yeah, when they brought them over from yugoslavia hence the name yugo they weren't street legal so they had to go and bolt on some extra brake lights on the back. So they all had on these awkward they were almost like bike reflectors on the back of the car. It was wild. I knew somebody that had one.

Speaker 3:

I have to look that up, because I've heard the name. I've never actually seen them. The biggest joke I ever heard growing up was about the gremlins. The gremlins.

Speaker 2:

Well, I guarantee you, there are no Yugos on the road anymore. They could not have survived the earth reclaimed them yeah. Hey, you're in IT like me. Do you end up doing a lot of IT work for your friends and family?

Speaker 3:

Yes. For free yes.

Speaker 2:

More than.

Speaker 3:

I care to admit.

Speaker 2:

Here's our last one. Okay, dear Patrick and Tom. My friend wanted me to work on their phone and fix a problem they were having. While doing it, I found some interesting photos in their gallery. Do I confront them or just use it for information, potentially for future blackmailing purposes?

Speaker 3:

All right, story time. Story time I. I'm gonna try to use as many vagaries as possible to keep this uh, I don't want to use anyone's name, uh, but I was working it at a place, okay, and at this place, one of the people's machines, one of the higher-ups machines, machines, kind of shit, the bed, and they got a new one and it was like, oh, I need to get my old stuff off of there, can you do that for me? You know, the hard drive was all screwed up so I had, to like, recover it. Well, I recover it, I get everything off and I find a video of him Now.

Speaker 3:

keep in mind he's. He's a married man with a newborn baby, and I find a video of him and his secretary doing things they shouldn't be doing. Come on, I find a couple of videos like that and I had that same dilemma. I was like do I hold on to these? Do I keep these? In the end, my morality went out and I was like no, I got rid of them. I was like you know, I don't again. Like I said earlier, I spend my whole life trying to avoid drama.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

Nope, not my place, not my monkey, not my circus.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and then how do you the next time you have to work or deal with them? It's like it's so awkward.

Speaker 3:

I think I had a feeling. I have a feeling he knew, because when I gave him back his files, everything was there except for those.

Speaker 1:

Ooh, so I think he knew and he was always really nice to me after yeah.

Speaker 2:

Cause he's like, on the off chance that you've got something on me, is there anything that I can do for you?

Speaker 3:

You need anything? Anything at all? No, and that was quite the dilemma in my case, just because, like I said, he's married with a newborn, with a new newborn baby, and I'm like, come on, man, that's what do I do, jeez it's not. But at the same time, it's like you know, I I can't interject myself in this. This isn't my, it's not my place yeah, you know, like you said it's.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, man, we're not the world's police. We're not the world's police, no, exactly.

Speaker 3:

I can only control what happens to me literally, and the older I get, the more I realize I cannot control anyone. I can't control how anyone thinks, how anyone feels.

Speaker 2:

I mean, if his wife came to you and said now, tom, it'd be one thing if she asked you outright, but interjecting yourself into that, I mean God, but that guy shouldn't have put you in that position. That's horrible.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, and that's just it. And then I thought, well, maybe I should anonymously do it. And I'm like you know, I don't know For all I know, those videos were from before he was even married. I don't know, I don't know, for all I know, those videos were from before he was even married. I don't know. I kept trying to justify it to myself, like I don't want to make more out of this. If she comes to me and she asks out of the blue, sure I'll answer those questions. Maybe they were on a break, maybe, man, I tried to put that behind me so fast, though Once I made that decision, I was like, okay, never thinking about it again.

Speaker 2:

The old friends thing. We were on a break.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, a break. Did she know you were on a break? But I hope that helps answer that question. Put it behind you.

Speaker 2:

I used to work with this guy and we would go on business trips together and it was kind of the same thing, man, because as soon as he got on the airplane, off came his wedding ring. Oh man, and I was just like, really dude, because I don't play that. I'm a fun guy, I like to have fun, but I don't mess around like that. I don't play those games, dude, it's just not. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 3:

No, Once you've made the vow, you keep it. It is interesting. I had a buddy speaking of traveling like that when I was in the Marine Corps. Whenever we would go on Liberty on shore because we were on ship most of the time you go on Liberty on shore I had one buddy and I won't use his name Great guy, One of my best friends, but he knew himself and he was like keep me away from those places. So we would go out, We'd go drinking and at the time our mother's milk was Crown and Coke and if you're ever in Southeast Asia, trying to find Crown and Coke is like trying to find hen's teeth.

Speaker 3:

If you're ever in Southeast Asia, trying to find Crown of Coke is like trying to find hen's teeth. You're just, you're not going to do it. So we ended up switching to 151. We were young and stupid. Anyway, I spent most of that deployment keeping him. Like we'd go into a strip club or something like that, or we would go into a bar and you don't know, because not everything's in English, and you get in there and you're like we got to turn around and get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 3:

Way too tempting in here?

Speaker 2:

How many donkey ladies are there? Oh?

Speaker 3:

yeah, you'd think there was just one, right, you think it'd be one famous donkey lady. No, it's a whole profession.

Speaker 1:

The donkey's like oh, she does that all the time.

Speaker 3:

Oh, funny story real quick'm sorry, I don't want to. I don't want to derail too much, but we were in pattaya beach, thailand, and in pattaya beach, thailand, there's a street you know. Before you ever you go in liberty, before you hit a port, they give you a safety brief on what places to avoid. Things to avoid, you know, things not to do. It might be a cultural taboo, right, and they told us about this one street called boystown and that's where all the trannies are, apparently oh god and they're like stay off this street.

Speaker 3:

There's underage, there's tranny, there's nothing good on this street. There's nothing on the street that you want. We're like, okay, not a problem. So my buddy and I were going around visiting different places and they're just like five-story mall. So we go in there. And this is back in the days when malls were a thing right like the internet wasn't, wasn't really even, it was in its infancy, and there was no amazon. So you still went to the mall to buy shit. So we're at the mall, we're walking around, I think we went, we got fitted for suits and then we're leaving and we're walking down the street. There's a street that parallels the beach, so we're walking down the street that's parallel on the beach and then there's side.

Speaker 3:

There's side streets that kind of you know, go uh uh, straight up it from the parallel right so I'm walking down and I look down the side street, just kind of out of the corner of my eye, and I see this big windows, like you know, like microsoft windows symbol, and it's like discount software, blah, blah, blah. And I I knew what that meant. I'm a pirate software. So it's like oh, that software, blah, blah, blah. And I knew what that meant, that meant pirated software.

Speaker 3:

So I was like, oh, that's going to be dirt cheap. So I just I beeline, I'm the nerd, I'm beelining down there and my two buddies are behind me and I'm walking down the street and all of a sudden I hear like whistling and catcalling and I'm like what? The and I and I'm surrounded on either side by like tranny bars. So I start running down the stream AGI, I accidentally went down Boystown.

Speaker 2:

AGI, it's like god damn it. You buy me a cigarette.

Speaker 3:

I love you a long time, that was so. There was a legit moment where I was scared, like this is how I die.

Speaker 2:

Like this is your family's like well, this is how I die your family's. Like well, where did you find him? He was a human pincushion. He was deep behind enemy lines.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it was lured in by cheap software. Goddammit, it wasn't my fault, oh my fault, oh, my God. Hey, I did get at the time granted. I remember this was like the year 2000,. I think I got Windows ME for really cheap.

Speaker 2:

You might have gotten something else really cheap too.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I may have gotten something else for free. Hey, listen in my youth that was a piece of man candy. Oh boy.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, those safety briefings. We're trying to keep the rapings down so.

Speaker 3:

Nobody warned me about the cheap software. That should have been in the safety brief.

Speaker 2:

It's like we got pirated copies of Windows over here. We got $10 of windows over here. We got ten dollar rolexes over here. I used to I used to work on watches, tom and this this old lady brings in a watch one day this is true story. And uh, she says my, my husband, has owned this watch for like 20 years. I need to get it fixed. I open it up, it's got a battery running a cheap little chinese movement and I'm like so you say you've had this for a while. Yeah, just, it won't wind any. I don't know how to tell you this lady, but rolexes don't use batteries and they don't have chinese movements. So she was not happy. They paid like a thousand dollars at a pawn shop for this thing and had had it all these years, all these you know, and wanted to have it cleaned and, you know, serviced and things like that. And boy, it was fake, fake, fake.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, somebody picked that up in Southeast Asia. Yeah, speaking of, I was just real quick. Same same trip. Petty Beach, thailand. We're walking along the street. I was AAV company, which is an FAA-based assault vehicle. It's separate from your regular infantry battalion. They're their own entity and there was this old gunnery sergeant who was in charge of the AAV guys and he just always had a big dip in his lip, always. Never saw him without it. So we're on shore and we just happen to be walking past them as as they're like perusing pirated movies, because you can't get anything legal over there. Everything's pirated or knockoff.

Speaker 3:

there's nothing right, you know, actually legitimate that's one of the draws right to a degree, but I mean you get what you pay for too, like I remember any movies we bought over there were very clearly filmed, you know, with a whole movie camera, um, but he's sitting there and he's perusing the pirated movies and one thing that they would do is the kids would like surround you over there and start yelling and trying to sell you candy or little baubles or whatever, and while they were distracting you and surrounding you, they would, they would pickpocket you. That's one of the things they warn, warn us about. So they come up. There's a gunnery sergeant. He's got a can in his hand. I spit now. They all dip in his lip and they're surrounded and it just leads down to the closest one and he says I'll eat your face and they all start running.

Speaker 2:

God. That was great. You were a Marine, right yeah yeah, Lifetime ago yeah, I can see the cover. Almost called it a hat.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it's my blues cover I got that blues cover. In my French Forge I was in 1st Division, Kilo 3-5.

Speaker 2:

So for those of you that don't know the Marines are the men's department of the Navy.

Speaker 3:

That's what they say. I got a full disclosure in case you got any Navy listeners. Every Naval person I ever interacted with was fantastic. I was actually on a boat with SEAL Team 6 for about I think. They were only with us for about a month. We were on the USS Juno, for the deployment was four months or six months or whatever. They were only with us for about a month, but they were the coolest sons of bitches you ever met and they weren't cocky at all Like it wasn't like in the movies as an example. On a ship, you know, the hallways are very narrow. You can really only fit one person at a time. So you know we would be traversing the hallways and you'd run across them and they would all kind of just stand to the side and let you go through. They they weren't. They were the most professional, polite guys I ever met did you ever meet?

Speaker 2:

uh, what was that guy's name? Marshinko he wrote all those Rogue Warrior books. I think he was the commander of SEAL Team 6 for a while.

Speaker 3:

Oh, I don't think so.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you probably didn't meet any of those guys.

Speaker 3:

If I ever did. Yeah, this was back in 2000-ish.

Speaker 2:

I was a naval inspector. Oh really, yeah, I used to check belly buttons for Lynn.

Speaker 3:

That doesn't sound like it pays too well.

Speaker 2:

No, but the benefits were great. The benefits were great, volunteer service. That old joke. I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look.

Speaker 3:

I play one right now, right here.

Speaker 2:

I slept in a Motel 6, or what was it? A holiday inn, whatever it is I just, yeah, I don't remember. I remember the commercial, those series of commercials though hey, have you ever ridden a greyhound bus for any length of distance?

Speaker 2:

yes, once from los angeles that's like a rite of passage. I mean, you got to do that once in your 20s. That's when I did it. Yeah, that's when I did it. Yeah, that's when I did it. I wrote a Greyhound from San Antonio all the way up to somewhere in Massachusetts. It took two and a half days. Oh my God, it was horrible, it was absolutely horrible.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, that's a lot longer than I wrote it, but yeah, I went from San Diego through LA I forget I was heading north, I think I was heading to LAX and we went through Compton, I don't know some ghetto, and I was like I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. It was just like you see in the movies Everything was terrible.

Speaker 2:

You know, I got shot at in Compton, me and my wife, we had our own business and we had a contract. We were doing some work for Yum Brands and they own Pepsi and Taco Bell and all this other stuff, yeah, yeah, and we had to go to like 320-something Taco Bells for real Within like a three or four-month period. We were doing some stuff for them and so, sure enough, man, one of them was right in the middle of Compton and it was kind of like walking into a saloon in the Old West. We walked in and all of a sudden everybody's quiet and they all turn and look at you, the music stops and everything. Anyway, right before that we were driving around and somebody started. They didn't hit us but clearly I mean you could hear the whiz, you know, go by, they were shooting over us or something, and I did not feel safe.

Speaker 1:

Let me just tell you that.

Speaker 2:

And I was an easy target because I'm a pretty white dude. I stood out really easily, you know.

Speaker 3:

I was going to say maybe they weren't even shooting at you. They're not known for their marksmanship. They could just be shooting in that direction.

Speaker 2:

They thought I was like a big giant white Sasquatch. Shoot the monster. You know I'm 6'3" 300, none of your business pounds.

Speaker 3:

See, I've never had that problem. I've always been blended in pretty well. I have the exact opposite problem where people underestimate me because I'm like 5'7, 1� and a half, and that half is important um, and you know, right, like 180 pounds.

Speaker 2:

That's the thing. Like I'm, I'm not. I'm not a bad guy, but I could never be a bad guy because I would be too easy to pick out of a lineup. Yeah, it was like, well, it was either him or or hulk hogan, and no yeti's back there could be yeti, I don't know Well, it was either him or Hulk Hogan.

Speaker 3:

No, any Yetis. Back there Could be a Yeti.

Speaker 1:

I don't know.

Speaker 2:

Jeez. So what else is going on? That was all of our letters. By the way, if you've got a first world problem, just send it to me and Tom. You can get a hold of us at info at pwbasscom. We're still setting everything up. This is just a fun experiment, but I'm loving the vibe man, I'm loving the vibe. We'll see how this. In fact, I think I'm going to upload this to my main channel, where we already have a bunch of subscribers.

Speaker 1:

Maybe we'll lose them all, I don't know. I hope not.

Speaker 2:

Maybe this will just blow it out of the water, jeez. You never know XM Radio will be like no, we want you.

Speaker 3:

I'm like the Patrick Batchelor, no, the one with the Marine, the one with the short guy, the short angry fellow. We want him.

Speaker 2:

The guy that got accosted on Boy Street, boy's Town, boy's Town, that is not a home for wayward young men.

Speaker 3:

There's nothing there that you want. Keep running. I don't know. There might be something there, somebody wants, but not me sprinted through. Once I found out where I was, I was deep in enemy territory.

Speaker 2:

I got the fuck out oh geez, this has been a lot of fun. We're going to have to do this again real soon. Hey, if you're listening to this, if you liked this, let us know what you think, because, like I said, we're feeling a good vibe here and I think we've got a good rapport, but you know, all good things must come to an end, so we're going to have to wrap this one up pretty soon. Tom, you got anything you want to say?

Speaker 3:

No, no, it was a lot of fun and I hope it does take off, because I've enjoyed myself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and again, we're going to send this up to our main channel and we're also going to put it out on a new open Mike Mavericks channel that we're putting together and who knows what will happen. Yeah, but anyway, hey, we'll catch you next time and until then, keep the blue side up.

Speaker 1:

When I start making love, I don't just make love.

Speaker 3:

I be smoking.

Speaker 2:

That's what.

Speaker 3:

I be doing.

Speaker 2:

I be smoking. All right, we'll catch you all next time, take care, take care, I smoke it to the east and I smoke it to the west. I mean all right.

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