Rebuilding Broken Marriages: Randy Pryor's Transformational Journey and Relationship Insights on The Patrick Bass Show

Unlock the secrets to rebuilding a broken marriage with insights from Randy Pryor, a relationship coach and former comedy magician, who joins us on The Patrick Bass Show. With a remarkable success rate of 95%, Randy has guided over 1,400 separated husbands back to their wives. Hear his incredible journey of transformation from entertaining audiences to mending hearts, inspired by his own marital challenges and redemption through faith and a supportive church group. Randy's candid storytelling and practical advice provide a roadmap for men seeking to rekindle their relationships.

Discover the nuanced differences between how men and women tackle relationship issues. Randy sheds light on the common male instinct to fix problems quickly, contrasted with women's need for emotional connection. He emphasizes the importance of understanding and bridging these perspectives to navigate separation and improve relationship dynamics. Learn why seeking help from community and support groups isn't a sign of weakness but a demonstration of wisdom, and how authenticity and self-improvement can transform your approach to saving your marriage.

Explore Randy's method of "reconnecting"—a strategy to open communication channels without pressure, fostering genuine connection. Understand the power of accountability groups, where men can find guidance and support outside of their immediate circle of family and friends. Through compelling success stories, including Randy's personal experiences, gain practical tips on maintaining strong bonds through selflessness and consistency. This episode offers essential lessons on becoming a better partner and sustaining a healthy, loving relationship.

Chapters

• 0:01 The Patrick Bass Show With Randy
• 11:11 Male Relationship Dynamics and Support
• 17:48 Building Relationships Through Accountability
• 30:08 Transforming Relationships Through Selflessness
• 39:13 Improving Relationships Through Consistency and Understanding

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Okay, cue everybody. We're going live in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Speaker 2: 0:09

And now live from Fort Smith, arkansas. This is a Planet Wide Broadcast courtesy of the World Wide Web and affiliate radio stations across the globe. It's the Patrick Bass Show with your host, patrick Bass. The Patrick Bass Show with your host, patrick Bass.

Speaker 1: 0:32

All right, welcome back to the program Patrick Bass Show, where bold conversations, unfiltered insights and undiluted truth reign supreme. We bring you the very best guests from various fields, ensuring you get unparalleled perspectives and riveting discussions that you just won't find anywhere else. So, whether we're diving into current events, exploring life's mysteries or offering no nonsense advice, the Patrick Bass show is your go to destination for engaging, thought provoking content. We've got a great show lined up for you today, and I can't wait to welcome my guest to the program he's going to. He's like a relationship guru. He's a seasoned coach, and I don't know if he does voodoo magic or what he does, but he fixes guys that are broken and just really can't get out of their own way when it comes to relationships. So we're going to get a chance to meet him, but up front, just to remind you, this is a live show.

Speaker 1: 1:23

Our number today is toll-free 855-605-8255. That number again, 855-605-talk. We're actually live on Facebook and YouTube and Twitch and X and geez all those cool platforms. You can also check us out on our website, pwbasscom. We'd love to hear from you, let us know how we're doing and let us know what you'd like to see on the show. We've got guests lined up all the way through the end of October right now. So we just want to really find out what folks out in the world are looking for and what they want to hear. So check in with us and let us know. We'll catch up with our guest, randy Pryor, right after this message. We'll be right back.

Speaker 4: 2:06

Having the conversations everyone else in the media are scared to have. Welcome back to the Patrick Bass Show. I love this song. I love nachos.

Speaker 3: 2:20

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Speaker 4: 2:35

Warning the show you're listening to has been rated R by the Talk Radio Network Guild of America. Raw, real and relevant. It real and relevant. It's the Patrick Bass Show.

Speaker 1: 3:02

All right, welcome back to the program Get ready, get ready to dive into the uncharted waters. Here We've got a relationship repairman who actually knows how to bring back the magic, literally From wowing crowds on cruise ships as a comedy magician to coaching over 1,400 separated husbands who wanted to connect with their wives. Randy Pryor is here to pull no punches, and he's not just about saving marriages. He's about transforming lives. If you think your relationship has gone too far, think again. Randy's faith-fueled, no-nonsense approach has turned desperate situations into stories of hope and redemption. Stay tuned, because this episode might be just the lifeline you were looking for and you didn't even know it. Randy, welcome to the show. How are you doing?

Speaker 3: 3:49

Oh, thank you so much, Patrick. I'm doing great. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 3:52

So tell us, what is your program all about? Fixing these broken guys.

Speaker 3: 3:58

Yeah, I well, let me tell you my backstory, cause I went through it myself, so I know the pain that's involved. I was married for 14 years, had a wife and kids and everything and all that kind of stuff. It was fabulous. I had a 40-year career as a professional comedy magician and juggler, and the last seven years we were on cruise ships all over the world. Everything was doing great. Then we decided, you know what, it might be time to get off the ships and have a couple of kids start a family. So we did get off the ships and three uh, I had three main places where I was performing and in the space of about two months, two of the three of them closed. So I thought, oh my gosh, I've only got one place to play, I know.

Speaker 3: 4:45

So I dove into work and I worked really hard because, as you know, if you want to be a good husband, you need to become a good provider. That's what the world teaches us, right? You got to be a provider, so I did. I dove in and I worked apparently too hard and, without realizing it, I became a workaholic. I was selfish and I was a bit of a control freak and I didn't even know it. So my wife was done. She pulled the plug. She said I don't love you anymore, I want a divorce.

Speaker 3: 5:15

And that was devastating is an understatement. It was amazingly painful and in fact I'd rather have another kidney stone than go through that ever again. And it was awful. So I had to figure out what to do, right. You know how do I repair this, how do I fix it, and nothing I tried with my wife was working. Everything I was doing was making it harder and making it worse. So I went to my church, happened to be across the street and they had a support group for separated guys and I thought okay, this is exactly what I need. I dove in and I learned everything I could and I worked really hard on myself and at the end of six months they asked me to become a leader of the support group and help other guys get through it like I had. And that was 14 and a half years ago. I've been doing it ever since. So now I've got joy in my life, I've got peace, I've got significance. My life has completely changed because of the things that I learned, and that's what I pass on to others.

Speaker 1: 6:21

Randy, when, when you say this happened to you and know all the pain, all the devastation, I get that, I get it. Um, did you just not see the warning signs? Or I mean what, what was going on? Were you just kind of have tunnel vision? Because I know guys can get like that we, we kind of focus, we think, all right, this is okay, so I'm not even going to worry about this, I'm going to focus on this now right.

Speaker 3: 6:44

Yeah, I actually said out loud the phrase, the single most common phrase. Well, I knew it was bad, but I didn't think it was that bad. Okay, that's what we all say. Right, did I have signs? Absolutely, she tried for 14 years and say, listen, I need some more help with the kids. I need you to not work on that, work on this. And okay, I would get better. I would be better at whatever she's asking for for a good, I don't know, three or four weeks at a time, and then after three or four weeks, it would slide right back into how I thought it was best.

Speaker 3: 7:18

So I'm not a bad guy. I didn't have an anger issue. I don't have any addictions. I just didn't realize it was that bad. I didn't know I was a workaholic, I didn't realize that I was being selfish because I had lots of employees, I own multiple companies, it's all working, yeah, but that's that's not a marriage, that's when people are working for me and I just didn't see it. So, yeah, I had the same issue that most of my clients do. I just didn't see how difficult it was for her and after 14 years, she finally said look, it's not working for me, I'm out.

Speaker 1: 7:49

Yeah, 14 years. She basically hit a boiling point and just you know it's like enough is enough.

Speaker 3: 7:57

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1: 7:58

Maybe you think I'm going to make a move here while I've still got some youth left or something like that. You know.

Speaker 3: 8:09

Yeah, well, it definitely wasn't working and she wasn't having it.

Speaker 1: 8:12

There was no talking her out of it. So what do you do? What's the trick here, randy? Because I know there's probably guys listening to us right now that are like, oh my God, that's exactly where I'm at, I'm willing to do anything. So if that's true, here we've got a system that boasts a 95% success rate. That's an A in almost any school. So what do we do?

Speaker 3: 8:34

Yeah, and this is the hard part. There is a simple method to do this. In fact, I wrote a book last year called SOS Reconnectit, and it spells it out. Sos is there's a reason. The first S in SOS is stop pushing her away, and that's what all of us do in the beginning. Right S stop pushing her away. O open up communication. S surround yourself with an accountability group, hopefully a bunch of godly men who've already gone through it before. That's what works. That works all the time. And here's the hard part To make this work, you have to let go of trying to change her mind, and that doesn't seem logical to us, right?

Speaker 3: 9:19

The Lord made us different men and women. We know this. Okay, we got the logic and the need to fix things. That's how we made men right. Okay, that's not wrong. There's no mistake there. We're logical beings. Okay, the first thing we have to do to repair this is let go of trying to change her mind. You guys have a track record. If you were married for any length of time, let's say you know 14, 15 years, you have a track record for 14 or 15 years. There is no way that she can accept that you turned over a new leaf or you're this new guy in a couple of weeks. She has to see it over a long period of time and it can't be done for you. It's not sustainable. Right, I want to be this new guy. I'm going to do everything. Right, I'm going to do whatever you want. Anything at all? Okay. That's not sustainable. She knows you're going to do it until she accepts you again, and then it'll slide right back into how it used to be. That's universal.

Speaker 1: 10:29

He's really the balls in her court, right? I mean, let's be honest. And if you're feeling jilted or hurt and want to get back, I mean, those are all recipes for not being successful in this. And you know, really it's about humility. Uh, from what I'm hearing, it's about humility and, uh, you know, just kind of getting real and focusing on what's important, uh, and then allowing the time that's necessary for, uh, that to really sink in, that you know this is a lasting change because, like you said to to your point, you know, after 14 years, this is stuff they've probably heard before in various iterations.

Speaker 3: 11:09

Yep, absolutely. And as men, we think it's a two-step process. We think it's okay, something's broken, let's fix it. And the reason that's so ingrained is because that's what works for us, right? If you're employed in any kind of job, they don't pay you to be patient. They pay you to get it done. Something's broken, let's fix it. So that's what we do. And then we make money and that's what works for us. So now we have to look at it and say, okay, there's someone else involved. It's not about me and just my job or something In my marriage or my relationship.

Speaker 3: 11:44

If I'm married to a woman, well, she doesn't look at it like something's broken, let's fix it for her. It's a three-step process. Something's broken, let's reconnect first, and if we reconnect, then we can work on it or fix it, right? That's two different ways of looking at two different perspectives. That's why it doesn't work. As a matter of fact, here's the deal, and I'll speak directly to your listeners or your viewers. If you're a man and you're going through a separation, okay, here's the deal. Your wife is thinking two things. You're thinking number one I can't stand the way it is. Number two I can't imagine that it will ever change permanently now. That doesn't mean that it can't change and get better. It just it means that right now she can't imagine it, and that's based on her own personal experience.

Speaker 1: 12:32

Yeah, and I guess, randy, we're also talking about specific situations. We're not talking about something where you know the guy is an abusive person or there's infidelity, or we're talking about things that just kind of eroded over time and there's been a loss of focus on the relationship. And I mean, or am I wrong, or does this only work in very specific scenarios?

Speaker 3: 12:58

It actually works with all kinds.

Speaker 1: 13:00

Really yeah.

Speaker 3: 13:01

Yeah, it absolutely does. Because if we work on ourselves, ok, if the goal is to change her mind, that doesn't work Again. I've been doing this for 15 years. I have never heard of a wife saying to her husband oh honey, you're right, thank you for showing me the error of my ways. No wife ever right. That's what happens. In fact, her biggest fear is that you do change and things are great for a while and then they slide right back to how they used to be. That's her biggest fear. So again, if you're separated, okay, here's the, here's the reality. Your wife is not coming back to you. I know that sounds harsh, but she's not coming back to you. She may go forward with you in a whole new relationship, but she's not going backwards.

Speaker 1: 13:55

And that's what we help our guys with have in, when you, when you're dealing with these situations, I mean, what has to happen inside the guy, uh, for it to be a lasting change this time is it the ultimatum that she's gone and she's not coming back, or is there something more where where there is going to be this lasting change?

Speaker 3: 14:19

yeah, it's really up to the, the man. It's up to his priorities. If you want to have a really great relationship, it can't be based on I'll be nice to you if you're nice to me. I will be kind to you if you're kind to me. We don't base our behavior on her behavior. We do it because it's the right thing to do. And I know it sounds simplistic, but I'll give you my motto. It's very simple Just do the next right thing for the right reasons, with the right heart, and leave the outcome to God, because if it really is the next right thing to do, you never have to worry about the outcome.

Speaker 3: 14:55

Will she like it? Will she want me back? Well, you don't worry about that. Is it the next right thing to do? And, of course, the next right thing is never put pressure on her and make sure she changes her mind. No, it's be loving. Okay, be patient, be kind, be supportive, be what she fell in love with, basically. But you can't do it for her. When you do it for her, it's manipulative. She'll know it's not sustainable.

Speaker 1: 15:23

Yeah, and she'll see if you're doing it for her. See right through it. Yeah, how important is that accountability group component to the success of this program?

Speaker 3: 15:33

A huge part. We don't realize we need it because the world teaches us men that we need to be like a lone wolf. Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, right, it's OK. If I need golf lessons, I can go to a golf pro. But if it has to do with my marriage and my relationship, oh no, I gotta figure it out myself and that's just wrong, right, for whatever reason the world teaches us that it's it's weak if we reach out for help, and that's just stupid. It's not weak, it's wise. Get some help. If it's not working, get some help, right, right, and then learn how to do this stuff.

Speaker 3: 16:06

But God made us to be in community, not a lone wolf, not an isolation. So what I found was, 15 years ago, when I was going through this, I thought, oh great, I got to go to a support group. Sweet, what I've seen on TV a bunch of dudes in some basement. Yeah, this is going to suck. I thought it was going to be awful, but it wasn't. It was a bunch of guys who'd already gone through it. They got healthy and they were able to pass on how they did that to me, and that's what I've put together.

Speaker 1: 16:37

Yeah, it's like the fight club. The first rule of the support club is we don't talk about the support. But you know, you know, you know, I think, do you think any of it? Cause you mentioned God made us to be in community. I completely agree. Do you think, then, some of this problem, cause this is kind of an epidemic? If you want to talk about a pandemic, this is a pandemic, you know.

Speaker 1: 16:55

And so, uh, do you think society changing? We've we've come, like you said, lone wolves? It used to be. We were more community based and you know the men would get together, you know, and the women would be over here and the guys would be over here and the kids would be over here playing. And I remember, even gosh, even 30, 40 years ago, you know the guys would get together in our family and you know, if one of them was acting out, they'd get checked by the other men and and a lot of times, you know a lot of times, especially some of the, some of the young bucks, you know they needed that man, they needed that and uh, you don't see that as much anymore and I, I think, I think it's uh a disservice that all of our modernizations and convenience have done to us and is broken part of our society. I think so that I guess you're right. That accountability group Wow, you really can't be successful without it.

Speaker 3: 17:53

Yeah, it has to be the specific accountability. It can't be family and friends, something else that we don't realize. You talk to your family and friends, they love you and so they're going to give you their best guess at what they think is going to work for you. But unless they've been through it they're just guessing and a lot of times they give very bad advice. And that's right because you want to. You want to, you know, take their advice.

Speaker 1: 18:22

And it's not your drinking buddies either, right, yeah, no this is like yeah, that's probably why you got into this problem, right.

Speaker 3: 18:30

Could be one of the many reasons. Yeah, yeah, we highly recommend surround yourself with a godly accountability group, but not necessarily made up of people she knows. Right, talk to your pastor, talk to your therapist, talk to professionals about this, talk to us about this, talk to us. But when you talk to your friends, your family and friends, they want to help. So they'll say, well, tell me what's going on, tell me what the deal is. Well, as soon as you start to spill right now you're talking about your sacred marriage and I promise you it will get back to your wife and it won't be good.

Speaker 1: 19:07

Yeah, it won't. Yeah, I'm speaking to Randy Pryor. He's a relationship coach, I guess you could say In a way, he's helped over fourteen hundred husbands reconcile with their wives Ninety five percent success rate. So we're having a conversation about how to reconnect. If you're a guy out there and you need some help, this is certainly the episode for you. We're going to catch more on the flip side, we'll be right back after this brief break.

Speaker 4: 19:33

Don't forget to hit our website at wwwpwbasscom More of the Patrick Bass Show coming up.

Speaker 5: 19:43

Hi, I'm Kelvin Grammer. Wounded Warrior Project supports injured veterans by connecting them with fellow warriors, by serving them through mental health and wellness programs and by empowering them to live on their own terms. No one should face a battle alone. Join us at woundedwarriorprojectorg.

Speaker 4: 20:00

In your face, unfiltered and raw. We're back to it on the Patrick Bass Show.

Speaker 1: 20:08

All right guys just remember the watermelon crawl is not going to help you in this situation. You need some really strong, godly Christian men who can help you and stay accountable. And we're speaking here with Randy Pryor. He's helped over 1,400 separated husbands reconnect with their wives and he's here pulling no punches. Randy, how important is forgiveness in all of this relationship rebuilding.

Speaker 3: 20:48

It's vital. If you're stuck on what she's doing, she's misbehaving, she's doing something wrong. If you're stuck on that, you're not looking at yourself. You've got to take the log out of your own eye first. So okay, so forgiveness is one of the most important aspects to all of this kind of stuff. If you're stuck battling, basically, you're crossing the line over to her side of the street.

Speaker 3: 21:18

We want to stay on our own side of the street 100%. I know that it feels like she's doing something wrong. You know she could be having an affair, lots of things could be going on on her side, and that's because the world tells us that marriage is 50-50. It's not, marriage is 100-100. But we don't have anything to do with her 100. So we just have to make sure that our side of the street is clean, and that's going to take some introspection, it's going to take some work and it's a lot easier when you've got, you know, some godly men around you saying, yeah, here's what we see and we can help you with that.

Speaker 3: 21:52

Right, because right now she needs to be able to imagine that life with you could be better than it's ever been, and there's a very good chance that she can't imagine that right now and all you have to do is show her and not talk to her about it, not try to work it out with communication. The world tells us okay, well, you know, communication is everything. If you communicate clearly, then you can solve any issue. And it's not. It's not necessarily about just communication, it's about connection, and that's different. It's a whole different thing.

Speaker 1: 22:24

Yeah, and your book is SOS reconnect, but you've got this other concept called reconnecting, right, what is that?

Speaker 3: 22:32

Yeah, that's how to open communication. That's one of the best ways that we've ever found. I started at 14 and a half years ago when my kids didn't want to talk to me at all. Right, the divorces happened and they're pro mom, anti dad. It's not working. They got alienated, all that kind of stuff and I thought what's the deal? I want to be a good father, so I would send him a text, because they were nine and 11, which means they obviously had cell phones by then so I would send him a text or whatever. I'd say hey, you know, I miss you, I love you. You're supposed to be with your father 50% of the time. And they didn't want to talk to me at all because it was all pressure. So I thought something's got to change and I used to take my kids to Disneyland all the time. I worked there for seven years, so that was our deal.

Speaker 3: 23:20

It was, you know, the thing that we did together and I thought there's got to be a way to open this up. So I went to Disneyland one day and I went all the way to the end of the park and a little area called Critter Country and I turned around and I didn't see any signs anywhere that said Critter Country. So I just took a picture and I texted it to both of my kids and all I said was where am I? That's all I said. And within five minutes my oldest replied back and said you're in Critter Country. Come on, dad, you can do better than that. I thought, oh okay.

Speaker 3: 23:55

So for the next two hours I played a game with my kids and all I did was take a picture and send it to them. You know where am I? Kind of thing I don't have to say the words anymore. After a few times they get the idea. Few times they get the idea and the clues got harder and harder, and harder and harder. Until you know, I was taking a little picture of a decoration on a wall or something and they were nailing it and I thought wait a minute, I got something here. So I developed this system called reconnecting and it's about how to open up communication. If you know, if you're battling with your wife or your spouse anyone really, because I don't know anybody these days who doesn't have a cell phone, right, unless they're really young, super young. Right.

Speaker 3: 24:36

So the way this works is if you created, let's say, a top 10 list all about things that your wife is into, your significant other, they're really into this, but it's even better if you're not into it. Right, I'll give you an example of a reconnecting text. Let's say that my wife is really into I don't know blue roses, right, she loves gardening roses. Okay, the first part of reconnecting is you want to be very specific, very personal. Okay, so, not just roses, blue roses, and I'm not into it, that's her thing. Okay, cool, has nothing to do with the relationship at all, right? So if I go into Google, I'll go to Google, let's say, google News, because there's a bunch of articles and no one ever goes there. So I look up let's say, blue roses, and I could find a handful of really great articles. Well, I'd pick one out, something I know she's going to like, and I grabbed the little link, right, the URL, and I would text it to her. But all I would say is check this out, that's it. That's the whole text, same, okay, it's very specific, very personal. I don't say, hey, I know how much you like blue roses, so I thought I would send this to you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, no, no, no, no. I also don't say I miss you. I know we can work this out If you just give me a chance. It's not about engaging with her. We're going to use texting as a delivery system. Okay, so it's a one-way street. All I'm going to do is text her a little link and a couple of words that say check this out, something like that. So there's no pressure. I don't expect a reply. That would be a transaction, right? I send you something. You at least say thank you. That's just common courtesy. Okay, drop the expectation.

Speaker 3: 26:22

Now let's talk about how a reconnecting text works. Number one specific and personal. Number two no pressure at all. And number three frequency. How often do we do this? Well, if you guys are fighting and you start doing this every single day, that's a full court press. She's going to feel pressure, she's going to feel intimidated or like manipulated. You don't need to do that Once a week, twice a week.

Speaker 3: 26:46

Now, if she gives you a thumbs up or a thank you, all right, that means that it's more what we would call welcome. It's a welcome text, right? Ok, you never have to say I'm thinking of you, because you can't send anybody a text without thinking of that. Yeah, so you don't need that Right? So reconnecting done properly and there's a whole section in my book on exactly how to do it. I give lots of examples. You can send an article, you can send a photo or a meme or a cartoon, a link to a video, but it can't be about trying to engage her to talk and don't try to pull one over on her by sending her a link to a video that say you know your song, okay, she knows. That's manipulation.

Speaker 1: 27:34

Right.

Speaker 3: 27:35

You don't need to do that. There's too many great things you can do Make a top ten list of what she likes and pick one every other, every two or three days, and send her something. And if you get a green light meaning a thumbs up or a thank you or a heart or whatever okay, then it's welcome. If she says, hey, why did you send this to me? Well, the answer has to be true. I thought you'd like it, that's it. And, of course, if she says, well, stop, stop, Okay, then stop, You've got some more work to do before you do this.

Speaker 1: 28:07

Randy, how can folks find out more about your program and you and everything that you're offering here?

Speaker 3: 28:14

Sure, you can go to my website, randypriorcom. How clever. On the website you can find out. Pick up the book if you want. It's $4.99. You can find out about our programs. We can schedule a call. You know what I want? To offer something for your listeners, for your viewers. I would love to offer a free reconnection planning session for your guys. Just go to the RandyPryorcom website and it's not a sales call, it's nothing, because my heart goes out to anybody who has to go through this. It's really, really painful, so we'd love to help. I've got myself and my support coaches are there and you can schedule a free call for a reconnection planning session. We can get you know right to the meat of it and say, okay, here's the next right thing to do, so we can help them.

Speaker 1: 29:05

Wow, that's generous. Hopefully somebody listening out there is hearing this and realizes what a great opportunity this is for them. So go to RandyPryorcom. He's offering a free reconnection planning session. If you can't remember his URL, or whatever, it's going to be listed on our website off of guest resources, just go there and we'll have links to Randy and everything that he's offering here. Randy, I want to kind of dial back in time a little bit because I think this is very interesting. You were a magician for 40 years. What, what was that about? What, what was that like?

Speaker 3: 29:41

Yeah, I grew up, when I was six years old, I discovered magic and I loved it. I started doing magic shows in high school and college and put me through that and it was just fun. I loved it. I started doing magic shows in high school and college and it put me through that and it was just fun. I loved doing it. I loved performing. I love making people laugh. So I was a comedy magician and juggler and the last seven years of my career I had my own show on cruise ships and it was just outstanding. I just love making people laugh and it really felt like this is what I was supposed to be doing.

Speaker 3: 30:08

And so when I went through this devastation and separation and all those kind of stuff, I thought, oh my gosh. And then when the Lord said, here's what I want you to do. I want you to help other guys. Wait a minute me, I'm a comedian, I'm an entertainer. This has nothing to do with that career and because I have, I guess, a lighter look at life and and you know I can see the, the humor in most things, I think it's a lot easier for my guys right, cause it's devastating. This is, this is as harsh as it gets and it's as real as it gets, okay, but it doesn't have to be so negative all the time. There is a way through this. That's the great news. There is a way through this.

Speaker 3: 30:51

The hard news is that there's only one way. It's not about techniques and tricks and strategies and all. It's not. It's about getting out of our own way and realizing that we're made a certain way and if we get behind that, we can say OK, what, what does God want me to be? What kind of man do I choose to be? Right, I don't want to be known as oh, he was really successful, that's. It's not a bad thing to be successful, obviously, but that's not what I, how I want to be remembered or how I want to be thought of. I want to be thought of as being helpful. I want to be encouraging and supportive. I want that, and that's just different choices.

Speaker 3: 31:33

It's very simple, like when I said my wife thought I was selfish, a workaholic and a control freak. Okay, how long does it take to change those? Well, first it starts with a simple decision I'm not going to be a workaholic anymore. Right, that's just scheduling, right, just stop. Okay, it didn't take me that long to stop being a workaholic, a control freak. Yeah, it was easier to have those kind of things pointed out to me because I surrounded myself with a bunch of guys who'd already gone through it and they were able to help me see, okay, that's a little bit more controlling that when you do it this way, that would feel a little more controlling. Okay, selfish is just yeah, stop thinking of myself and learn how to be what we call selfless. Right, and that's putting someone else first. That's what works. So, being a magician, yeah, that was a lot of fun, but it was a complete left turn when I became a relationship coach.

Speaker 1: 32:32

Wow, and you know what a story. Because A lot of guys would look at your situation and say, now there's somebody who's really successful. I mean, you've got this cruise ship show that you're doing for seven years, by all accounts very successful, and yet you were failing at the most important thing. The greatest illusion or magic trick that you were performing was hiding that fact from yourself. I guess what was really important was what you were ultimately failing at. Thank God that you were able to turn that around.

Speaker 3: 33:16

And how many years have you been married now? Well, my former spouse and I got divorced. We reconnected, but the reality is and again, this is like I'm, just like all the other guys I waited too long to reach out for help. I waited until she said the words I don't love you anymore, I want a divorce. Then I reached out for help. Why? Cause I'm a knucklehead.

Speaker 1: 33:39

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 33:40

And just so you know, I've made all the mistakes. I've made all the mistakes, pushing too hard, adding pressure, trying to change your mind. I did all that. That's why I know what it looks like, right. That's how I can relate. So I would highly urge you if you're going through a troubling time. It's possible and, matter of fact. One of our clients was divorced for two solid years and blocked on his ex-wife's phone. He couldn't contact her at all. But he'd been married once before and said you know what? I just want to fix me, I just want to be a better guy. So we joined our program and we just started working on him and it was really great. And there was a personal anniversary for his ex-wife, so we just crafted a nice little note and he sent it to her. Well, she immediately unblocked him and said, hey, thanks, I really appreciate that, and I've got some of your winter clothes if you want to come and get them. And he said, yeah, that'd be great. And they started talking. Then they started non-dating and they started dating.

Speaker 1: 34:39

And now they're back together. Wow, what a story.

Speaker 3: 34:41

She got to see the new guy right. She got to see that he wasn't all about himself and trying to change her mind. They've been apart for two solid years.

Speaker 1: 34:48

Wow, yep, okay, randy, I'm just kind of speechless here. I mean, that is a great story of success and really I think the main takeaway here is we've got to make ourselves decent enough to somebody would want to be with us, somebody would want to, you know, be married to us and because, like you said, you weren't a bad guy, you know you didn't have any of these overt problems and things like that, but it was just years of you uh, you know, years of uh neglect. I guess anything will break down if you don't take care of it, right.

Speaker 3: 35:26

Sure, absolutely, and most guys don't know how to. We're not taught that. We're taught go make the money. We become really good at making the money, so nobody teaches us how to put someone else first.

Speaker 1: 35:37

Yeah, so keeping that in mind, what are some things? What if we're not to that point yet? What are some preventative maintenance things that we can do, where everything is seemingly good and we're still happy and together, but we want to keep it that way. What are some good things to do?

Speaker 3: 35:52

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 35:54

Learn to become selfless. Here's what that looks like. I have a lot of phrases that I use to help me remember the concepts. Here's all my phrases, and if you can make this into a giant poster and put it on your wall, it's very simple. It goes like this If it's important to you, it's important to me.

Speaker 3: 36:12

That's it. Now. If you're Christian, that means two things If it's important to God, it's important to you, and if it's important to your wife, it's important to you you. And if it's important to your wife, it's important to you. Okay, now you spend maybe five minutes a day. Here's your prevention right, spend five minutes a day.

Speaker 3: 36:25

You wake up in the morning and you do your daily quiet time and you get your routine going, and then you think, okay, I'm going to spend five minutes thinking about how could I make my wife's life a little better today. I don't mean five hours, I mean five minutes. Okay, what could I do? Is she, uh, did she lose something? I can help her find it. Is she stressed out? Maybe I can help her relieve some stress. What can I do?

Speaker 3: 36:50

And, honestly, guys don't do that. We think our job is to make money, so I got to get to work and I got to work hard and I do blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, well, it's not just providing financially for the family, right, we think it is. It is not. Here's the real assignment for us husbands we are to provide an environment where she can feel safe and secure all the time. We just don't know how to do that. It's like being the spiritual leader of the household. Okay, I am the spiritual leader of the household. Why? Because I'm male. That's what it says in the Bible. Okay, I didn't sign up for it, I didn't choose it. I'm just supposed to do this. Okay, how do we do that? Well, it comes down to a very simple phrase we're supposed to lead by example. We're not supposed to tell people what to do. Right, we lead by example, whatever we do. I'll give you an example of that.

Speaker 3: 37:48

Okay, I'm going to go to church. I'm going to go to the 11 o'clock service. I'd love for you to join me, okay, well, whether she joins or not, that's not up to me. I've given the invitation. If she says, oh, oh, no, that's too early, or whatever, I don't want to go, okay. And then I go to church. Why? Because I said I'm going to go to church 11 o'clock service and when I come home I don't say oh, you missed a good sermon. Why, that's just guilt, we don't, we don't need to do that. At one point, maybe it'll be attractive enough to where she'll go to church with you, okay, and then take her to lunch afterwards. So what we want to do is change the way we look at relationships and life.

Speaker 3: 38:28

How do we put her first Right? How do we do that? Well, the easiest way is to think five minutes a day. A second way would be once a week, find something that you can appreciate about your wife and say it out loud, right? Hey, boy, I really love the way that you fix dinner, boy, I love the way that you love on our kids. Find something it has to be true, obviously, but once a week, say it out loud. Appreciate her. And again, I didn't do it. I thought that I worked so hard, she would know, right.

Speaker 1: 39:10

If we work really hard, then our families will know that we love them. You know what my wife has told me, randy, and it kind of is very much in line with what you're saying, but it's not, it's not these grand gestures, but it's the little things, consistently, that mean the most to her. And you know there's a time for grand gestures. Those are nice and they're appropriate at times and, frankly, you know, this is something we all can improve on, myself included. But being consistent with the little things every day.

Speaker 1: 39:38

And I think too often we forget about that because, like you said, we're focused on making money, or you know this or that and, by the way, we're supposed to do all those things too. I mean, yeah, we got a lot on our plate, but you know what, guys, come on, we can do it. We need to up our game here as, as, as, as, um, as the male race. We really need to up our game here, uh, because we've got this wonderful gift and, um, we need to not squander it. And so, uh, do do what Randy's saying take, you know, take care of these little things, these, uh, well, if it's important to you, it's important to me concept and and, uh, you know, be appreciative and uh and, and lead by example and radio. It's all great advice. Um, we're coming up on the end of our hour here, believe it or not.

Speaker 3: 40:28

I want to make sure that we've covered everything that you think is important, or if there's anything else you want to cover, yeah, well, I'll give you one more phrase. If things aren't working and you'd like your wife to look at you differently, give her something different to look at. It can't be more of the same. It can't be trying harder, it's try differently, right? So when you're communicating the issue, I would think about how to fix the problem, how to solve it, because that made me feel good. But that also meant that I'm not fully listening to her ever. So I completely agree with Stephen Covey. He says most people don't listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. I did that for 14 years. So there's a lot of little little things like this where we can adopt these and it talk about it working. It works because I'm not trying to change her mind, I'm not just trying to pacify her right. Even in the Bible it does not say husbands, make your wives happy. That's not what it says.

Speaker 3: 41:40

That's right in the Bible, right Ephesians 5, 25, says husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Okay, that's different. I can do that. I can't make her happy. Perhaps some of your listeners have tried this. Your husband's out there, okay, Not about making her happy. It's about loving her correctly and we can help you.

Speaker 1: 42:00

Yeah, you're, you're right about that, because you know what One of the things I'm guilty of is, and I think you said something about this early on.

Speaker 1: 42:08

If my wife's telling me something, and if I perceive it as you know she's telling me about a problem she has my mind automatically wants to fix it, but guess what?

Speaker 1: 42:22

She usually doesn't want me to fix it, she just wants to tell me about it. Um, but guess what? She usually doesn't want me to fix it, she just wants to tell me about it. Frankly, she's smart enough to fix most of her own problems. She just wants somebody to talk to and, uh, and you know it also doesn't say husbands, fix your wives, right, right, yeah, so, uh, I mean, you know this is all common common sense advice, really, when you lay it out on the table. But, guys, if you've never heard it before, you know if this is the first time you're hearing it and you really need to connect with Randy because, uh, I'm, I'm telling you the stuff he is saying is is dead on accurate and uh, it can be, uh, it can, it can be the something that will fix something that's broken, or maybe, like, like I said earlier, the preventative maintenance that keeps it from breaking down.

Speaker 3: 43:08

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 43:10

OK, Randy Pryor dot com and his book SOS Reconnect. Randy, thank you so much for being a part of our program. I really enjoyed our time. I truly hope that somebody will take you up on your generous offer today and go out and fix themselves so they can be the guy that their wife fell in love with.

Speaker 3: 43:33

Exactly Great. Thank you so much, Patrick. It's been a blast being here.

Speaker 1: 43:37

Thank you so much, randy. We'll catch you all later and we'll tune in next time tomorrow. We've got another program from five to six central, and until then y'all take it easy.

Speaker 4: 43:46

We'll see you later thanks for listening to the Patrick Bass Show on the Vanguard Radio Network. The Patrick Bass Show is copyrighted 2023, all rights reserved, and is produced and distributed by Vanguard Radio LLC, fort Smith, arkansas. For more information, visit us on the web at wwwvanguardradionet.